One time, I heard a sound. A purring sound. I looked around and I found no cat. My ex and I never had one but we had a turtle. A red-eared slide turtle. It was my aunt who gave that turtle to me four years ago. Since no one and nothing was there I looked at it and I thought that I was just hearing stuff but then suddenly the turtle meowed again! The meow from the turtle is a soft meow. I was of course surprised and so I took my cellphone out of my pocket and turned the video recorder on and waited for the turtle to meow again. The turtle was staring at me and it looked like he was waiting for me to give him food.
I sat on the floor with my camera prepared to catch the extra ordinary moment of my turtle. The turtle gave me that Wtf are you doing mommy look. But it did not meow again nor made any sound so I got a bit upset because I have not taken any proof that the turtle meowed. However it did not stop me from telling my mom and my ex about it. My ex did not believe me of course (Who would believe when someone tells you that a turtle says meow? ).
Then I thought, maybe I was just exhausted and tired from work so I just told myself that I was just hearing things and my mind was just playing tricks on me.
But then, one day my ex came to me and said, “The turtle meowed.”. And I asked him if he was serious and he said he was so I got happy because it only means that I was not hearing things. I am not insane after all. 🙂
I have never been to a psychologist but I think my anxiety got worse. Worse because I find myself being stressed from the previous years happenings and events. Some of my plans did not turn out the way I wanted it because of the things that has happened. I think I am too weak to fight or I just let things be that way without giving a f***.
One of the things in my bucket lists a couple of years ago is to learn how to swim within a year or two. It is my second year now but I still cannot do the floating. I still have an issue with my fear of being in the water. I have aquaphobia but unlike before I can now go in the pool alone. My only problem now is that I cannot let go of the edge of the pool. Meaning, I only try/practice swimming holding the edge of the pool and when I try to let go, I really get nervous and anxious.
I am frustrated and I get sad everytime I get out of the pool. Sometimes I blame my parents for not teaching me how to swim when I was small. I also blame the bad things in the past which has triggered the fears that I am experiencing today. However, I am not giving up. I am just upset.