Trapped Inside

I never thought that a time would come that I would fear for my life. This was a new phenomenon to me. Should I seek help from the people around me or just pretend that I’m a brave woman?

Deep inside I was shouting for help. I thought that I’d drown in my own thoughts. Thank goodness it’s just in the mind. However, it has already taken my energy, a portion of my sanity and it has already left an invisible scar on me.

Sometimes I succeed in concealing my fears but most of the time I get caught by people close to me and when I tell them what is making me anxious or what is making me tremble, they would answer me with “why is that?” and laugh at the same time. Some told me that it’s only a product of overthinking and imagination.

As days went by, I started to isolate myself from the world. I hated the things that triggered my panic attacks. One of which is taking the express bus. I know it sounds ridiculous. Fear of taking the bus? Actually it’s not the bus that is the issue, but it is the thought that I don’t have control over the bus. Whenever I sat on the bus, it feels like I was sitting on a roller coaster.

My confidence went from a 100% to a 10%. I didn’t trust myself anymore and I started thinking that emotions made me weak. My health condition was not good either. The gastrointestinal problem that I had before came back because I was stressed by the thought of my panic attacks coming back. I was anxious about being afraid and what would happen if I lost control over something.

I went to a therapist because I wanted to put an end to this nightmare. I was sick and tired of negativity. To make the story short I got better. The therapist told me that my anxiousness was a phase in my life. My mind was on its defence mode because of the sad happenings that I experienced in my life lately and stress from work made it worse. So her advice is to go out and never allow fear and depression stop you from living your life. Being afraid is normal because it is our body’s way of warning us of dangers but it is up to us on how we are going to respond to the situation.

If you’re going to ask me how am I today, I’m absolutely better. I still have some of the irrational fears but I don’t get panic attacks anymore. I guess that my healthier lifestyle (which includes a balance diet, exercise, water and proper supplements) today is helping my mind to cope better with the negativity coming into my life. I also learned something from myself too that no matter how intimidating or nerve-racking the situation is, quiting is not in my vocabulary.

 

This post is my response to The Daily Post Daily Prompt Challenge, Panic.

Stop the Blame

Thanks to this Facebook’s function, we can now see what other people like, dislike and share. Not only that, we can also see what our friends write in discussions and forums alike.

I’m always logged in to Facebook. I think I’m hooked to fishing for articles to read. Everything is there! You don’t have to search. When friends like an article, it will show in your feeds and tell you that a friend has read that same article that you’ve read. Same happens when he/she writes a comment about an article or a simple status.

I also learned more about my friends and acquaintances. Some of them are very quiet outside but very vocal on Facebook. In short, people have other sides too aside from their real lives. Well, people are used to it now. The moral lesson is it’s up to us what we want others to see. But sometimes when I read comments, I can’t help but think if these people are just fooling around in the comment section or it’s their real colors unconsciously being exposed.

A couple of weeks ago, an article appeared in my feed about a 5 year old girl who got raped by her uncle. Apparently, it was one of my close relatives who shared the article and wrote a comment on it. I clicked on the link and read the article. After that I went back to Facebook and checked out the comments. I found my relative’s comment and I was utterly surprised by her comment which is “She liked it for sure or else she wouldn’t allow it.”. First, I had to read her comment three times just to check if I’ve read her comment correctly. I was speechless. To think that an old woman could make such impertinent remark. I’m both sad and angry at the same time because I thought that I know her and it’s wrong to blame the 5 year old girl for the rape. Where are the Christian values you have thought us? Where is sympathy?

Because of the incident, I unfollowed her on Facebook and other social media sites. I can’t understand why some people have the guts to blame a child for something that she’s not capable of doing. She got raped and it is against her will. My God, what are you thinking? I know that I should’ve replied to her comment/thread, but I don’t want to do it online.

My point here is it is never wrong to express your opinion but we should all learn to respect one another and if you got nothing nice to say, then don’t say it at all especially when it involves abused children.

whereisthelove

Source: Google

 

 

 

 

 

 

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A Walk in the Cemetery

In my opinion taking a walk in cemeteries is a good way to reflect about life. It is also a great way to learn about the history.

When I was visiting my friend in Stavanger, we went out for a walk in the cemetery near her place. No she was not visiting someone that she knows but she only wanted to show me what the tourists are visiting in their community. I have also learned that in Eiganes Gravlund lies soldiers from World War 2.

I also cannot help but admire the grave stones because of the shapes, colors and the engraved words. Some has pictures too.

I also had some questions in mind while we were inside the cemetery. The first is, does the dead appreciate us visiting them?  Lastly, how much does it cost to be buried in that beautiful cemetery?

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Here lies some of the soldiers from WW2

 

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The map/layout of the cemetery

 

 

 

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Say Cheese

One of the things that I really want to do again is to host a party and/or invite friends over for a cosy dinner/wine evening. My friends and my partner think that I cook good food. I believe them, but I suck in presentation. So yes, I envy people who can make a plain boring meal look awesome.

Last weekend I visited my friends in Stavanger. One of them invited me over to her place and cooked for me. Not only that, she also asked me to stay at her place for two nights. It was really nice of her and to think that she was busy painting her crib. On my last evening at her place, she opened a glass of Merlot and prepared a cheese platter for us to enjoy.

 

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Perfect!

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A crispy baguette.


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Merlot

A bottle of Merlot. This is one of the best wines in my opinion. A must try!