Cannot Hide it Anymore

I have never been to a psychologist but I think my anxiety got worse. Worse because I find myself being stressed from the previous years happenings and events. Some of my plans did not turn out the way I wanted it because of the things that has happened. I think I am too weak to fight or I just let things be that way without giving a f***.

One of the things in my bucket lists a couple of years ago is to learn how to swim within a year or two. It is my second year now but I still cannot do the floating. I still have an issue with my fear of being in the water. I have aquaphobia but unlike before I can now go in the pool alone. My only problem now is that I cannot let go of the edge of the pool. Meaning, I only try/practice swimming holding the edge of the pool and when I try to let go, I really get nervous and anxious.

I am frustrated and I get sad everytime I get out of the pool. Sometimes I blame my parents for not teaching me how to swim when I was small. I also blame the bad things in the past which has triggered the fears that I am experiencing today. However, I am not giving up. I am just upset.



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