30 Years Plus 1

Wow, I just turned 31 three months ago. It feels like my previous birthdays and I never feel that I got older. So what makes it feel the same? Well, my fashion sense, makeup, foods and my inner demons.

When I was young, I thought that people who are in their 30’s are very old and boring. And so I was telling myself all the time that I do not want to get old because I did not want to look old and live a boring life. However, I was wrong. My life, in a nutshell, is filled with colours. Yes, there were times that all I wanted was to vanish but it is just 1%, the rest is just good. The 1% that I am referring to is first my anxiety because there are times that I believed that I was going to die of my fears (irrational fears). And then second, I feel like some people around me are pressuring me when it comes to when hubby and I going to have kids.

I have learned that I cannot control whatever comes out of other people’s mouth. All I can do is to choose what I will or will not accept and to remember that I own my life and it is I who is in control of it and not them. The same goes to friendships. Before, I used to have hundreds of friends but as I get older I realized that what matters for me is the ones who are true and not the number. Then when it comes to my anxiety, I have realized that I am better at coping with it today. I also do not mind showing my what I feel to others because the more I hide my anxiety, the more it will dominate over me.

To sum up, I am beyond grateful for this life that I have. It may not be perfect but I can say that it has shaped me into a better woman that I am today, a good daughter, sister, citizen and a good partner.

 

 

 

 

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